It is one of the worst days in your life when you confirm your nightmare – your children have no heart nor compassion.
Till this awful moment, you try to excuse their behavior in refusing to communicate with you, or even allow you to follow them on social media. You blame the other vindictive, heartless parent, or maybe your child’s young age. There wasn’t a day passed with you thinking about your missing children, hoping for a miracle of a phone call, email, or even a postcard. I do hate to disappoint you. This will probably never happen.
But, when they graduate from a university and turn adults, this becomes a completely different story.
This becomes one horrible realization – your adult children have no morals, no self-realization, and really DO NOT care what the truth is. They became self-absorbed, selfish individuals. Damaged individuals, as the nightmare of parental alienation syndrome, documented initially by child psychiatrist Richard A. Gardner. He wrote many books on the subject and even more articles. Of course, feminists instantly disputed his clinical research, as most of the PAS offenders were … women.
The hypocrisy of the parent they lived with became part of their own personality. They learned to be selfish to the extreme, and not to feel any compassion for another human being. Like their mother or mother’s mother. They became totally damaged individuals. This REALLY hurts … at first.
The biggest irony of it all is – they think that their entire lives will be sheltered by their despotic and psychotic mother, as they were during their initial years of schooling. What a mistake. Refusal of learning why their father was missing from their lives before they themselves decided to cut him off, the willful ignorance, is going to cost them dearly in the future in so many ways. No employer, nor true friend will tolerate a mindless robot. Even if it tries to hide her own empty soul, with fake smiles (like their mother did before getting married to their father, or before she decided to “return” to her own mother). The feeling of abandonment will increase with passing years.
Who would want to take a chance and tie own life to heartless robots like these children? Not everybody is as gullible and trusting as their own father who decided to marry Ms. Dracula and had refused to take a step back when some serious warning signs were telling him: “Drop her! There is something wrong with her!” even the day before the wedding. Do you remember a scene with Steve Martin in the “Man with two trains” when he asked for a sign… any sign from his dead wife? It is hilarious in the movie, but not so much in real life. You pay for your willful blindness later in life. And it is going to be a bitch.
After 21 years, 3 months, and 15 days, you learn what you suspected for a long time – and Dr. Gardner had written before you became the victim – you are screwed. So are your children. The “system” that was supposed to protect both you and them, FAILED both of you. Failed miserably, and you cannot hold anybody accountable. Sometimes you wonder – maybe going to the private sector and hire somebody to “deal with the problem” was a better solution. It certainly would have been quicken, final, and (possibly) cheaper. Unfortunately, you were brought up in certain faith with parents who believed in these rules. The Catholic guilt trips, enforced with the weekly masses, did take a toll on your psychic. My children (and most probably yours) clearly have been “freed” with such inconveniences. After all, their own mother and grandmother never lived by them as their lives have proved.
I decided to write this short post on the eve of the New Year 2020 in hope that you, the abandoned parent, will be spared a lot of hurt and disappointments.
The bureaucrats, who are being overpaid for their mediocre performance, will not help you. There are only pretending to care from Monday to Friday until the final decision to refuse your petition to return your children to their homes will be rejected by some other heartless judge(s) overseas.
Or even, when their decision will support your claim, there are others who will do EVERYTHING to obstruct its execution. The president of your and the other country will not help you, the prosecutors will only threaten you with charges of alleged slander of the official. And let’s not forget about the main reason for the abductions – child support payments which WILL BE enforced in the country of the kidnapper, and very often, in your own.
And as far as Amelia and Daniel? I have a few words of advice for them:
Education is not knowledge. Knowledge is not an experience. Experience is not wisdom. Empty smiles are not any proof of friendship or loyalty. Hiding something important from your spouse or your parent IS A LIE.
If you refuse to question life, everything, and everybody who surrounds you, you are a very empty suit. You have NO INTEGRITY when YOU decide not to do what is right, even when it brings pain. Anybody with a true character who discovers this about you will drop you from his/her circle. It will be the very worst day in your life indeed. And those who don’t? They are even bigger losers than you are surely n danger to become. Don’t expect much respect and support from others in time of need, when you haven’t earned it.
Nobody, but YOU, should be asking hard questions on WHY you were deprived of the relationship with your own parent for over 21 years? Why did she refuse to let you have even lunch with him every time he was in Poland? Why didn’t you ask THESE BASIC questions? Even a small child would. Why (clearly) you refused to ask yourself the basic question which should be asked with every story: do all stories about him make sense? Are there any signs of inconsistencies in them?
So far you failed to do it. WHY? Too difficult? 14 years of schooling didn’t teach you anything? Your own mother will sure not give you an honest answer. After all, she told me without any hint of hesitation: “I am absolutely blameless (Nie mam sobie absolutnie NIC do zarzucenia!)”. What a spotless soul she (thinks she) was.
Amelia, I did manage to capture a few of your pictures from Instagram. It was so extremely disappointing to discover that somebody claiming to be a Catholic, and attended a prayer event (I know you were there) with a Pope during the Youth Campus Misericordiae gathering. Praying for mercy for the world… except for your own parent or “the other” ailing grandmother. It doesn’t even hurt me anymore. Both, you and Daniel just disappointed me, and (I bet) many of your true friends (if you have any). Singing or listening to religious songs without reflection (as you apparently have done so far; I know you have a beautiful voice) is just so sad. It doesn’t matter how many headscarves you wear. They will not cover your hypocrisy, which becomes even more evident. The meeting with Pope Francis was an amazing event with certainly a more amazing message to young people all over the world. How many of those who were there, or viewed it on YouTube, completely missed Pope’s message? Certainly, You and Daniel have.
Here the very special part. I hope you listen to it again.
And for the final thought. You two are already adults, and nobody but YOU are responsible for how YOU act. As my big R.I.P boss said very bluntly one day to me, after my VERY minor screwup to communicate:
Bogdan, I don’t need your fucking excuses. I need results.
Jack K.
I never messed up after that. I took his remark to my heart and made sure to “have his back” all the time, every time. It was a matter of honor for me. It was my life lesson, which guided me in my private and professional life. Not only it protected him, but me as well. It gained me many true friends throughout my life. I didn’t get mad. I WAS, however, willing to listen and accept the criticism.
I will leave you with the same message, as it also applies to both of you perfectly.